elfarina`

2007-01-22T18:35:00.000-08:00

6.23pm

I am appalled by everything now; I need to step back into reality. I have alot of things to do and work on, so I'm not going to blog anymore. My english is atrocious I would only corrode your mind even more (if that is even correctly termed, fuck it)
I hate this feeling, I hate this feeling, I hate this feeling, but I feel it all the time. I felt really stupid, simply stupid. How can you get one-digit mark for an English composition? I was so disappointed that I could not respond. I was simply taken aback. Sorry Amirah and Nadh if I didn't really act like I usually would.

Fuck it, Fuck it, Fuck it. (yes I swear alot, so fuck you)

How i wish I could eat a whole big bar of Cadbury like I used to. How i wish I wasn't fat. How i wish I had no tummy like my friends. How i wish I was taller. How i wish I am more sane. How i wish I accepted myself for who i am. How i wish -
but then again, I do not believe in wishes.

This will be the last time I'm saying this, Goodbye. Maybe I'll be back after O's ? Or maybe not. I love you net darlingzxzxzxz to bitzxzxz.

Fuck yeah, GOODBYE.

2007-01-21T21:24:00.000-08:00

9.23pm

Who the fuck are you now? You're possessed, damnit possessed. But i'm not scared of you, you're pretty amusing in actual fact. I like it, very entertaining. Keep it up, friend.

I dated Nadh again in the evening, though it was on impulse. I had an overwhelming impulse to splurge, cannot stash the money aside anymore so I texted Nadh. That girl never gets tired of shopping, another reason why I love her to bits. I splurged on Chocolates (fuck yeah, chocolates) and Heels from Heatwave. And yes Atiq, they're hot red. ha ha, splendid eyy?

So we ended up not getting anything from MPH, when that was our first intentions. ha ha ha, we had a change of minds.

I caught Dance Floor on Tv mobile and on Channel 5 at home, and I spotted familiar faces. Especially one adorable friend of mine who's history now. Still as fucking cute though, and that's good.

Tomorrow's school and I've got undone stuffs, goodnight.

I never thought you'd turn out this way and that, but fuck it.
bytheway, my heart went out of control and my mouth actually dropped at the sight of -. You've got me at Goodbye, -.

2007-01-20T23:46:00.000-08:00

11.47pm

Edgar is on. I just caught him on field, he just got on. My heart's pumping, I feel alleviated. How much better can today be? I'll get a boyfriend as cute as Edgar, nothing less.

Omg, I sound like a stupid bitch.

2007-01-20T22:40:00.000-08:00

10.31pm

Today was a pretty enjoyable day, afterall. It got much better towards the end, as Nadh was going high splurging her money. It was kinda hard for Nadh to make up her mind. ha, but she ended up getting something really dazzling from Zara. Some pretty pretty plain dress. I need heels now, and this bottom that is stuck in my head. Next week, I'll splurge. Come on time, fly by faster please.

Temasek Poly and Ngee Ann Poly were equally nice. I was more impressed by Ngee Ann, though my heart sank at a certain point just now. Don't ask why, I just felt like shit. But of course, I got over it. Nadh made me laugh like some lunatic on the way to Vivo. She was behaving erratically, being so hilarious. And then, we met Ameera and Fir. Oh how I miss Ameera so, finally we met. Yay, I love you sis.

Now, it's back to school mode. I have homework to complete, kbest.

Everybody's changing, I felt like we've lost track. This is not good, everything didn't seem the same. Sucks big time but what the hell.

2007-01-19T23:30:00.000-08:00

11.15pm

And they have all moved on. Why can't you ?
I need to think about that.

School ended early for me today, and I slept like a log for a few hours. Woke up and went online, doing meaningless things. Yes, the mundane routine. Nothing new, nothing new, nothing new.

I have so much to say but I do not know how to put it all here, so I won't. ha ha, it doesn't make a difference anyway. Who gives a shit ?
Bytheway, Atiq has been a pretty nice online companion tonight. Thank You, though you are damnit irritating at times. ha ha, kbest.

I do not like going through the same thing over and over, it's like you're seeing the same story endlessly. Plus, you can predict how it's going to end. But you can't stop it, cause you won't. Why you won't ? Cause you're still dreaming. I feel sad for you, so sad that I can't do anything about it. I tried to tell you to give it up, but you're still stuck fantasizing. Get real, accept it. It's so easy.

Tomorrow will be a pleasant day, i know.

2007-01-19T20:13:00.000-08:00

8.15pm

"Did you ever look did you ever see that one person,
and the subtle ways that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
And to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
You let this one person come down in the most perfect moment.
And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is
A reminder of what I'll never have
I'll never have, I'll never.
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
But this table for one has become bearable."

2007-01-18T22:27:00.000-08:00

10.15pm

Because I'm caring too much it becomes a meaningless problem. Stupid shit.

My mother and I were laughing hysterically watching the silly people on American Idol just now. And there was this guy who sang open arms, and i thought he was good. Not that bad at least, and not that ugly too. ha, what the fuck.

I'm starting to get really sick and tired. (i know i say this every time, but what else can i say?) I am fucking sick and tired. Too dramatic, way too dramatic.

Oh and I realise, having a totally hearty conversation, occassionally, with someone not close to you at all make you feel much better certainly. Simply because they don't know anything and are dying to know, so when you tell them they seem to eager to listen and know more. They help you get the load off, in one way or another. Another reason, you know they're not sick and tired of listening to you rant the same shit over and over again. Anyway, loved ones should be there when you're happy only right, no? Because you do not want to burden them more with your pointless irritating confusion ? ...

Come on, let us all pretend. We're experts at that, aren't we?

since i'll be sleeping before midnight, i'll say
Happy Birthday to You in advance.

Goodbye, Goodnight.

2007-01-18T19:24:00.000-08:00

7.20pm

So don't move on, and continue being stuck in that constant delusion. You refuse to help yourself, there's no one else around. You realised that already, but you're not doing anything about it. Find that inner strength, pluck up all the courage, and get real. Be real, don't hide yourself in a puny corner of your little world. It won't do you any good. If you want people to be there for you, you've got to be there for yourself first. Only when you can't handle it, when everything's making you deranged, just remember you've got your friends. As much as you think they can't see right through you, just know that I can. I know you're not all smiley inside at times, as simply as how you know when I'm feeling all conflicted and fucked up at times.
See, it's the same case we're in here. Well, not totally similar but there's the same conflicting thoughts. The endless doubts. And sometimes, you should not lose control too much.

Now, tell that to yourself Farina.

2007-01-18T19:06:00.000-08:00

7.00pm

It's really shocking how one can be so flippant with one's insults on other. I was so vexed, but I chose to ignore. Things are much easier that way.

Atiq opened up and told me very nicely that she loves to read my blog. When I asked her what's so interesting about my entries, she replied "Kau banyak berleter, best ahh bacer."
That is not exactly a compliment, but thank you all the same.
haha, splendid eyy?
Atiq loves that too. I know, Atiq is so whatever.
hahahahahaha, kidding ah ehh.

Everything's more lucid now, more clearer. At least I think it is. Despite the fact that I'm ~~very~~ disappointed in myself, I'm embracing all the changes. Besides, "in this short life there's no time to waste on giving up". No one's ever good enough anyway. Quoting Mr Loh, "Everyone's on the same boat with you" and maybe I just need to realise that. (okay Atiq, aku tengah berleter nie. Suker?)

Much to my chagrin, everything is too hard. Way too hard.
but what's worse, You're so impotent for anyone.

So get that in your head, and do your work.

goodbye.

2007-01-17T19:46:00.000-08:00

7.34pm

My head is throbbing on one side, and I can't revert my attention from this com. I'll start my work later on. It's already Wednesday, and it's going to be Thursday tomorrow. Did you realise?

So i'm changing my decisions all over again, I am conflicted now. I feel really confused till I don't want to care anymore. Fine, if that's for the best then so be it. I'll adapt. I'll just work for it. Do what I'm supposed to do, get this year done and over with, and Live Life. but what's life anyway?

Malay extra class just now was amusing, Ms Saifa was hilarious. And so was the whole class. ha, and I'm positive to do really well in Malay. The only thing I'm hoping for. ha, splendid. Aishah let me taste this potato burger (i dont know what it's called) from Mos Burger. It is yummylicious, mouth-watering. No kidding, and it only cost $2.20. (:O)
ha ha, thank you Aishah.

Tomorrow seems like a short day and pray for me that there's no Emaths remedial. I want to go home early and fall into a deep slumber right after school. Because I can't do that now.

-.- okay, i'm going to start on the shitload now.

2007-01-15T18:39:00.000-08:00

6.39pm

I am on Cloud Nine right now, just cause of the fact that Ella is home. She always brings joy into anyone's life, and now I'm happy. I feel good just knowing she's back. The fact that she jumped onto me and clung on just as I stepped into the house was pleasing. I love love love love love love love Ella, yay.

It's been 9 days that her father took her home, that's why.

Anyway, school was okay I guess. Despite the fact that discipline teachers are bitchy, everything else was alright. I suppose teachers will never get weary chasing after you for eons. Fantastic, their jobs are awesome. Still, I'll pass being a teacher. Eww.

This Saturday better happen, I miss enjoyable weekends.

Shit, my right ear is throbbing. Thanks to the cartilage piercing; it's badmooding now. I want to get back my diagnostic test, bytheway. Hurryyyyyyyy up give it back to me.

I feel tired, inside out and I've got work to do.

ohhh btw, Edgar did not play at all. My spirits were dampened.

2007-01-15T00:51:00.000-08:00

12.47am

Look how time flies, now it's going to be 1am soon. Appalling.

I'm so disappointed, Edgar is not playing for now. Maybe he will, in the second half so I'll wait. I don't watch soccer at a regular basis actually, just for Edgar. He is super adorable, okay to me at least. ha ha, Farina is so pathetic. Fuck you.

Okay okay, I'll really off to com real soon.

2007-01-14T23:58:00.000-08:00

11.54pm

It's nearly midnight and yes, I've been using the net since just now. So shut up. Watch Gemilang tomorrow on Suria, that small boy is so fucking cute. He sings Gadis Melayu and he looks super adorable. Though I dont know who the hell he is. ha ha ha.

Fuck it, I'm so bored and I can't sleep cause I slept quite alot during the day just now. I know I should do some work, but my mind's not up for it. So i'll pass. My friends are all asleep, or maybe they are studying. I don't know. I don't know about my friends much nowadays and It's all fine with me.

Omg, I cannot wait. I simply cannot wait.

Okay, I'll off the com soon and make myself all smiley. Edgar will be on real soon. He is one of the cutest man alive, trust me.

2007-01-14T21:52:00.000-08:00

9.41pm

I've lost It. I feel so lazy today and yesterday too. I did not do anything at all, nothing. Zilch.
It's Monday again tomorrow, Week 3 already. fuck.

I am thinking of - all of a sudden. My mind is fucking distracted, I feel like fuck ? Sorry, bad vocab. Go fuck yourself if you think your English's so good. Just because you have a dictionary/thesaurus next to you each second of your life. Oh, how interesting.
This certain memory of last year, a microscopic fraction of last year's happenings is playing in my head. Over and over, non-stop. I am vividly visualising those days, though it didn't last more than 2 weeks, there was something about it. I knew there was, but I ended it. Why? I am still trying to figure that out. For now I'm convinced, I was merely afraid at that point of time. Scared to death to face it all. Plus, I knew I was not good enough then. Not good enough. Yeah, what the fuck ?

These days, I spew nonsense, utterly meaningless things on my blog because I feel like it. If you can't figure out what I'm crapping about and it gets on your nerves, now that's the whole point.
haha, what the hell Farina ? Shut the fuck up already.

Now go and study.

2007-01-14T19:03:00.000-08:00

7.02pm

The climax is missing, that's why. That's the biggest flaw, since that's the most important part.

The Day After Tomorrow is on now.

2007-01-13T23:47:00.000-08:00

11.46pm

so now I realise, we're all different.

Ididnotdoanythingtoday, exceptsingingmyheartoutwithMyMother.
You need a break, sometimes. My mind's wandering far far away, anyway.

2007-01-13T12:23:00.000-08:00

12.15pm

I am warning you, this post is going to be long. If you're still nosy, enjoy then.

Yesterday night was nice, simply Nice (:

Entering Concord Primary made me laugh to myself, so many pretty memories. Best lahh seyy. Me and Bro were late for the award ceremony so by the time we reached, he took his Scholarship and then we left. Walked the long route back to Lot 1. Intentionally, we walked past our place. The huge playground that Me, Ameera, Bro and Nana used to play silly games. Nonsensical games that allowed us to become whoever we want to be, from a Mother to a Teacher. Also, that was where we run around wildly like weeds growing in any direction. ha, Lit again. Anyway, I am terribly missing all those childhood times when everything was so easy.

Walking past our house was too dolorous. As if, I was stabbed. Jabbed right in the heart. Okay, a little exaggeration there but I just don't know how to explain how I felt in words. My house, all lighted up by strangers, except for My Room. My room was pitch black, and I swear it was calling me me me to come back. *goes lunatic* No, they don't use my room cause it's filled with all our stuffs. The first thing I'm going to do when I stepped back to our place is, to ramage through the piled up boxes and peruse through my Photo Albums. I don't recall how I looked anymore, that's why.

Back to the post. When we passed by the house, I saw the Orange ( hell yeah, it's Orange [: ) walls of our living room. Second Floor only, precisely why we could see. And then, me and Bro didn't utter a single word. We were simply stabbed, like I said. It's been so long, It's been too long. I want to go home right this instant, please ?

All the way to the carpark next to our block, we were silent. And then we passed by another little playground where we used to play too. We started conversing back as normal, reminiscing about all those times endlessly till we reached Lot 1.

Lot 1 is still the same, boring boring boring. But I'll kill just to go there everyday, like before. Lot 1 was like Town to me before. Ha Ha Ha.
Oh, and I bumped into old schoolmates (: It felt really good bumping into them, as if the past was not totally diminished. Get it? Alif was with his family, and we talked for quite awhile. Updates on each others' lives, current school and other petty things. He looks good, I must say. ha, he won't read my blog anyway. Iwan looks much better with black hair. haha, he was with Kymah at LJS. Talked abit with them, before Dinner. (omg, yes I ate LJS -.-) And then, walked walked around till it's finally 9.45pm. Boarded 188 with the heaviest heart ever, one whole hour back to Granny's place.

Pathetic as it is, I miss everything too much. It's making me mentally deranged.

No kidding, I want to go back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back.
k i'll stop it.

Now, I feel so sad. Not depressed, you assholes. I feel sad about everything, everything, everything.

Still, I have to forget all that for now and do some work. Or I'll start regretting on Monday, that I wasted the weekend.

I told you, this post is long. But don't worry, you won't get anymore of my blog sometime soon.
Don't ask me why, Infer yourself.

I'm off now, so long.

Just once in my life
I think it'd be nice
just to lose control- just once
with all the pretty flowers in the dust

2007-01-12T17:27:00.000-08:00

5.30pm

because I am so full of myself, online.

School was good, Emaths test was not so good. I couldn't recall what I did last night. Adrenaline surging through my bloodstream. ha, yes I'm talking Biology.
"I am lame like that," quoting Amirah.
I better quote whatever she types though it's not her line in fear that she might start dissing me on her blog, like all the other online inhabitants do.
eeeeeeks, but I know My Amirah is not that shallow. Even if she is, I won't give a fuck. I am not that childish, I happen to be matured enough for a 15 yr old. I have to say.

ha ha ha, everyone laugh with me. It's supposed to be tickling your insides.

-.- So now I'm waiting for Birthday Boy, my Brother, to get ready ready ready.
Accompanying him to Concord Primary to receive his scholarship. I am all green, just that no one noticed. Reason being, I am going through the grief cycle. Not yet reaching the last stage.
-

Reinforcing my statement yesterday, everyone's on their own in this world. No matter how many zillions friends or darlings one has, in the end he/she's on his own. On his/her own. And if you lack 'wood', that's where you stumble too easily. You turn out Weak, like Rose Hsu Jordan from JLC. If your luck ain't as good as hers, then you'll be stuck in the grief cycle forever.
Yes, I love Literature.

I miss being able to eat alot, and I'll be missing it even more.

2007-01-11T19:28:00.000-08:00

7.21pm

It seems that you're all on your own this year. You've only got yourself to rely on, only got yourself to push you on. Reason being, everyone's competing. Everyone's fighting for the best. Nothing less than the best.

Ameera darlinggggg, thank you very much for helping me find stuffs. You know I suck at all those things, ha.
We shall both work work work then for the rest of this yr okay? Only then, our dreams will come true.

I am sick and tired of blogging, I think it's Goodbye.

PS: HAPPY advanced BIRTHDAY TO BROTHER!
Finally a teenager, haha.
All the best best best in everything you do, just don't be too big-headed like all Acsi guys turn out to be. ha, I love you :]

2007-01-10T21:48:00.000-08:00

9.45pm

I have decided that everything is a huge distraction.

Adding to that, everything around is comical. People making themselves look like fools, spewing meaningless words everywhere. Precisely why I just cannot stop smirking each time.

Soon, I'm putting an end to all of this fictional world. I'm apologising in advance okay?
Maybe I'll make a come-back, just maybe.

Meanwhile, enjoy it while it still lasts.

ha ha, I'm talking shit because I have nothing else in my mind and supposedly I'm taking a break from the assignments.

2007-01-08T18:13:00.000-08:00

6.12pm

ha ha, I'm using the internet again. I must go away.

2007-01-08T18:09:00.000-08:00

6.08pm

"Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things"

How it all ended too fast, too fast.
And now i staunchly wish I did not even know you as more than a silly cute ass. I'm grateful you're gone now, really I am. Once again, I'm content with losing.

"I wonder if you have the same dreams too."

"I know it sounds lame but it's so true."

2007-01-08T15:55:00.000-08:00

3.45pm

School has ended. I'm currently in Amirah's class, waiting very patiently for her. ha, She's finishing up her English assignments painstakingly. Nadh is beside me now, giggling to herself as she perused through picture folders on her laptop. If you have not noticed, I am simply bored.

Mr Loh's expression in the early morning was priceless, yet devastating. He made me feel remorseful again altogether, but I can't turn back. It's over and done with, I need to go on strong.

Cheyyy, I sound like I have a fucking affair with Mr Loh and I just asked him for a break. How's that?

but of course, do not be stupid enough to really put that in your empty brain.
I merely dropped Amaths, that's it. Now, zip your effing mouth.

I am updating my blog now so as to refrain myself from using the internet later.

Bytheway, it's 3.54pm now and I'm still in school.

2007-01-07T10:50:00.000-08:00

10.49am

" 'Then why you don't stop it?' asks my mother.
And it's such a simple question."

Just an apt quote from Joy Luck Club.

2007-01-07T09:38:00.000-08:00

9.35am

I have no idea why I am up so early on Sunday. So now what should I do?

2007-01-06T22:48:00.000-08:00

10.50pm

I have not vanished into thin air, hello ? Are you there anymore? Oh, so it is you. You're gone. Thank God, for a second I thought I was invisible.

The house was really still, but of course we made it alive. The day went well, everyone was happy and many things are accomplished. We ate quite alot, but what do you care. Many many more "today" to come, I'm zealous.
Great.

Tomorrow there's something on with Family.
And then, I'll finish up Chem which is quite managable if my mind and my heart cooperates. I realised, it's easier than Amaths. Now I'm really not remorsing over the fact that - .

I want this year to fly by real quickly, I want this year and everything to end faster. Faster, Faster.

Aishah, Amirah and Nadiah always make my day. Always.
A turbulent day I can forget just by spending a mere few hours with them, amazing.
But suddenly now, I'm missing Iylia. I do not know why, but I do. I doubt she still reads my blog anymore, but I'll still say here that I miss Iylia Ashikin.
Now I'm wondering if she still keep the silly strawhearts I made for her. She's the only one that got a hell lot from me. ha ha, sugar-coated memories :]

Okay, I better stop reminiscing now. Cause one thing one person leads to another and that's not exactly a good thing at the moment.

Pointless being online, I only came here to update this pathetic blog so I'll satisfy the curious minds.

2007-01-06T00:42:00.000-08:00

12.50am

Shut Up. I do not need one more person telling me that.
Yeah, I am not skinny. Get over it. Continue being so full of yourself, why do you even bother how gigantic I am? Get away you sickening fucks.

I do not need a dick, and it does not mean I'm pathetic. Grow up, kids.

2007-01-05T23:45:00.000-08:00

11.40pm

Today did not turn out the way I expected it to, and that's because I have yet to inform Mr Loh the disheartening issue. ha ha, Monday ah Monday.
The day passed by really fast during lessons, everything was good except for Chem. Mrs Goh makes me feel so overwhelmed by. She spitted out the words supposedly to motivate, but it sounds so degrading. And I do not feel at all ready for Pure Chem.
I do not feel ready for anything yet.

Tomorrow will be spent mugging with the darlings. Saturdays this yr will be a vast comparison from last yr. Everything must change, no matter how much I'm dreading it. Get it all done and over with, and then Bliss.

"ahh okay, after O's ahh ehh. After O's" - the mundane words cooed Now. Everything is pushed till after O's, for now nothing else is more important. Nothing else.
Don't you feel petrified?

okay, maybe it is just the school. But it's for the best, so I shall neither whine nor complain.
I am content with losing.

ha, my blog is dull nowadays. Bear with it, if you bother to read. If not, better all the more.

Oh, Campfire just now was not bad. Pretty entertaining, just Band. We left before 8 and went to indulge at Mrs Fields, conversing endlessly. Good day, really Good day. Nothing abhorrent at all.
kbest :]

Goodbye now.

2007-01-04T23:46:00.000-08:00

11.30pm

I am anticipating an abhorrent day tomorrow. I prognosticate there will be endless detestation from Mr Loh in the days to follow. I will be disfavoured by him alot more, haha.
I've made up my diminutive mind, the decision's irrevocable. It's for my best, I know it is. Yes, I know. Everything's too strenuous this time. Everything. I can't argue, i am in a scabrous situation but I'm pulling through.

Everyone in class seems so unperturbed.

Tomorrow is the third day of school, and I'm pinning a badge on a Sec One. Tomorrow's Timetable pretty abbreviated.

I feel like shit now, simply like shit.

2007-01-03T21:32:00.000-08:00

9.22pm

Fear is only in our minds, taking over all the time.
Fear is only in our minds but it's taking over all the time.
-Sweet Sacrifice.

Everything seems incredulous to me, ludicrous, absurd. But I know if I really want to get there, those dreams are not altogether implausible. In fact, it's attainable. Just sacrifices here and there. And get down to doing It.

Some things are not so apparent, but it does not mean giving up is the next option. Push, push, push and you'll get there. Yeah, now that's The Spirit.

I'm talking to myself, kbest.

First day of being a Sec Four was pleasant, monotonous day overall. Still, I had an enjoyable day. The classmates look different altogether, however as amiable as before. New teachers for almost each subject, I'm more positive now. I do not need any more degrading teachers.

I still have yet to say Crescent is Awesome. maybe by the end of this year I will ?
That all depends, depends, depends. Somehow, this year is going to be more interesting.
Come on, I'm all up for it now. Time is Running Out, don't Stop.

Parents are out, Brothers and Ella plus Granny home currently. And I'm persevering to complete Amaths which is making me turn demented. ha, great.

The rain clouds have come out to play, perfect.

2007-01-02T22:48:00.000-08:00

10.52pm

black hair is beautiful, i realised.

Have a great day in school tomorrow.

2007-01-02T04:18:00.000-08:00

4.15am

So let's condone and start all over again, beginning as strangers. I've loved you yesterday, I've lost you today. I thought I had you at Hello, but You had me at Goodbye. Your seraphic smile I'll cherish, until we meet again. If it's never, then We'll meet in Dreamland as always. You said it yourself, You led me there yourself. You took me further to show me there's no Forever.
Why, Thank You.

Hey, it's a Brand New Year anyway. People come and go, People enter and leave, so Get Use to It.

2007-01-02T02:05:00.000-08:00

Back to Basics, Back to Black hair. yes Amirah, one step closer. ha, splendid.

Today was spent clearing up the homework which i left or should i say, gave up soon enough. ha, i got tired. At least I tried.
then there was dinner with Family again, yes Vivo.

School's starting tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.
since it's Tuesday now already, so to speak.

"And then he turned and held her, whispering gently into her ears 'Because I only want the beautiful one in this world, and that's You'."

ha, bullshit.

New Year resolutions, let's make it work.

2007-01-01T17:01:00.000-08:00

I am mystified at their excellent pretense. Superb front put on, stunning.

Happy New Year, Hello 2007.
Dolorous start, Hopeful year.

Let's not all go back with sunken hearts anymore. Look ahead, it's going to be another yet interesting year. No doubt.

I miss Amirah, Aishah and Nadh immensely. I can't stop saying it or i'll burst inside. Wednesday hurry come. I want to see them 3 darlings, just them. And maybe a few comical others. I don't feel as listless anymore now. Hurry time fly, hurry.

Black hair real soon. ha, awesome.

it's 5am exactly now, good morning.

2007-01-01T01:55:00.000-08:00

Pictures from 31 dec 2006.

2006-12-31T05:12:00.000-08:00

5.08pm

andeverythingcamecrashingdown.everythingdidn'tgoasplanned.
everyone'sathomewithashitfacebeneaththesmilingfacade.

oh how delirious.
fuckfuckfuck, it'sbeenlongsinceiuse FUCK. fuck.

"Don't laugh too much, you'll end up crying." fuck it, tell that to your damn self shithead. ergh.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha to all Muslims. may you all have a better day than me.
kcheers.

I want Cadbury now.

2006-12-31T05:00:00.000-08:00

4.47 am.

As hard as I tried to be ignoramus, I can't obliterate everything that has happened in 2006.

fine yes, every bit of the year is spilling in my head now. Every little bit of it, Every figment, Every freckle. Although I'm trying my best to forget the pernicious times messing up my mind now, it's somehow unattainable. If only it's possible that I put them all in a black bag and defenestrate it all instantly. ha.

I am appalled right now, stumped. Speechless too, maybe.

Backtracking now, (cause I won't be blogging till it's already 2007) I would say that 2006 is deviating from 2005. Everything was more of lessons instead of entertainment. To a point of realisation. I woke up this year, I really did. And it's not a bad thing at all.
Distinctively, the people who came into my life in 2006. The people who came and go, just passing by. And those, them, who came to stay. They know who they are.

I have been blithe this year, also at times, contemptuous. I have made friends and enemies this year, inevitably. But some things and some people are meant to be insignificant in our lives, sometimes you shouldn't care. It's good to be ignorant, at times. Petty fragments of 2006, I'll remember not for long. And I apologise if I was ever pompous to anyone. I'm sure it was not intentional.

My family's been through more blissful moments in 2006. Indelible memories, I must say. Everything just made us stronger, and more more more obstacles seem more disburdening now. Soon, everything will be over. 2007 seems promising to me, in this aspect. We'll be leaving and going back to where we belong. It's where we were meant to be, Our home. Nevertheless, I'm not expecting to much. Greater expectations lead to Greater disappointments, don't deny.

Reminiscing back, 2006 is filled with ebbs and flows. Every year is significant in its own ways, that's for sure. I should, I must, be more receptive to reality. No turning back time, a new year is going to come.

And for these last hours of 2006, I'll keep on recalling. Grasping on to every passing moment. Clinging on to each fleeting minute. And then, I'll be more than ready to Move On.
I have to.
I must.
And I will, I've been moving on anyway. or so I think.

2006-12-31T04:20:00.000-08:00

Winnie the Pooh and the Handsome Brother.
We got bored at times, so that explains.
ha, best.

We sure got everything today, fulfilling.
I had an awesome time, indubitably.
All the senseless laughters and nonsensical jokes.
Of course, you always have indescribable fun with you family.
I'm sorry if you don't, really.

Anyway, I've got some things for myself but I don't flaunt.
Brother got his shoes and school bag too.
Btw, Bibi & Baba at Shaw House is a sucky place. Cramped with stinky, snobbish people. How nauseating. Good thing, Brother made things quick.

We were just around Town and Marina.
Got things here and there and everywhere.

It's going to be 2007 in 20 hours time (it's 4am now) and I'm not ready. Not prepared. Everything's going way too fast, it's petrifying. Aren't you overwhelmed with fear?
Are you really mentally prepared for a new year? You're not, I'm telling you.
Unless 2006 was empty to you, then I suppose you're more than elated for this year to end. But not for me, and You won't know why. I'm still figuring the parts and pieces myself.
ha, I hate recalling and I'm not going to backtrack right this moment. So get lost.

Bytheway, I feel nauseated now. Kids just don't change, and how Shallow they are. It's sad to see them so ignorant about things and people around. Reason being, the world only revolves around them pathetic bunch. ha, let's just hope that one day they'll notice that they're unnoticed.
haha, I feel so sad for them.
Even little insignificant details seem like a massive deal to them. How sad, sad, sad. That's why, don't try too hard. You're just making a fool of yourself silly.
Sometimes, you just have to stop living in self-denial.
And if you can't beat them, join them. Realise again, that's what you're doing.

ALL HAIL PUMA, that's the spirit.

Nike's ugly anyway. No offense to you all Nike Lovers.

School's starting, now I can't wait.
ha, how fantastic.

I'm done here.

2006-12-30T03:15:00.000-08:00

i had nothing to do, so there.

2006-12-30T01:55:00.000-08:00

:] , I feel good.

The day was time well-spent, I must say.
I did my work, almost the whole day. Plus tv before that, and snacks in between.
ha, but it was a nice stay-at-home Friday.

And tomorrow, the Girlfriends are heading to Gashaus.
There's Plainsunset, damnit.
Lugubriously, I am not going with them.
*wails at 110 decibels or more*

plus,*Massive SIGH*

But But But I do not mind,
I'm positive I'll have a fantastic day tomorrow wit Family.
Yeah, going out shopping tomorrow. Mainly for school stuffs,
and maybe I'll grab a top or two.

AMIRAH, NADH and AISHAH!
Have a splendiferous time tomorrow, lovelies.
Don't you all dare forget about me.
I'll be there, in my spirits. No joke.
ha, I MISS YOU THREE ALOT LAHH SEYY.
boooo~
okay okay, have lots of fun tomorrow :]

L'oreal shampoo kicks ass, serious.

and btw, my brother is zealous about entering the new school that he's counting down to Wednesday. that is, just a few more days to go. He's oblivious that I am so listless about the fact that school's reopening,
and it's Sec 4S1 next year.

It's not altogether implausible that I'm going to have a fruitful year next year. It's all capricious. Unpredictable.
Just like 2006, I never prognosticate it would be filled with indelible memories. Never knew it would turn out this way and that.
As i've always believed, The world is a palpable Absurdity.

oh how time flies.

2006-12-29T03:52:00.000-08:00

ha, different layout.

It's nearly four am again now,
I wasted time effortlessly.

Don't think I'll be online till Sunday night maybe.
Or maybe not.
Depends, I'm just letting emotions take over now.

I am against the world at this moment.
You want to know Why?

It is because, my squeaky little voice inside is ticking me off turbulently.
And patently since I have not been eating Chocolates if you didn't notice.
I need Chocolates, lots of Chocolates.
Is it more lucid now?

Shut up and fucking get your humongous ass to bed.

2006-12-29T02:19:00.000-08:00

Do you wonder why you hate?

I swear I can't fix you.
Still in the dark, can You fix Me?
Freefall all through the night~

I won't be held down by who I used to be,
She's nothing to me.

My mind's speaking out loud, so you realise.

Went to catch Death Note 2 just now,
impetuously.
Brother went to Vivo already with intention of getting the tix but the queue was really long.
So, we went to Tiong Bahru instead.
Caught the 9.30pm show.

The movie killed my braincells, in a way.
Really good storyline, Well-thought.
Go watch.

2006 is ending,
in two days.

maybe I'll Restart again, I'm pondering now.

2006-12-28T18:58:00.000-08:00

I TOLD YOU SHE LOOKS RAVISHING.
I love Ameera darling.
I love my dearest family.
I love my three sweet girlfriends.
:]

goodbye.

2006-12-28T18:33:00.000-08:00

Like I've said, I'm simply sick and tired.
I'm turning you into a complete disgust now,
something so loathsome I don't even see you anymore.
Inner conflicts, just ignore.

And now, everything's getting on my nerves.

But my keyboard's changed.
Yes, i sent this stupid tablet to Fujitsu yday.
And now i can type freely.
kbest.

I had a splendiferous time yesterday with my gorgeous sis.
She already look gorgeous, don't deny,
but now she looks really ravishing.
I'm not pulling your leg, the haircut makes her look superb.
I am so in love with her hair now, and so is she.
Applause to Ben, again.
I'll show you solid proof in the next post.

Anyway so we made our way to Lavender,
where i finally made my IC.
ha, great.
I look round and chubby in the photo, but whatthefuck.
Who cares how I appear.

Headed off to Town after Supercuts,
and we became junk eaters.
From Triple C to Fried Mars Bars at Far East.
To Paragon for Oreo Cheesecake and Chocolaty Muffin, Starbucks.
We bloated up after all that, indubitably.

Sadly, Ameera needed to be home by 8pm.
So she left town at 7plus, while I waited for my family to reach.
Then, there was Dinner.
Yes, I ate Ayam Penyet set after all that junk.
I am putting on weight, i know.
Shut up already, I'm content.

Conspicuously after Dinner,
we got school stuffs.
Pooh brother got his school shoes and Puma sling school bag.
I got my school shoes, Adidas.
Similar to my Puma pair, all blue. Plus, the stripes are white.
I'm content with it, yet again.
My other brother did not set his eyes on anything,
so Saturday then he'll get his stuffs.

Night at the Museum at Midnight after that.
Splendid movie, I have to say.
Really enjoyable, Entertaining.
Go go catch it, if you have not already.

And now, I want to watch Death Note 2 sooooon.
The Holiday too, since long ago.
hah.

Eyy, this entry is long so to speak.
All hail the keyboard.
okay no, ignore me now.

I have a massive urge to scream at the insipid sky-parting clouds,
right this moment.

Pictures coming up, so long.

2006-12-27T03:48:00.000-08:00

I'm still waiting for the right to fall,
pouring life down on me.

I am to
repair my tablet Pc tmr,
make my IC tmr,
and follow Ameera cut hair tmr.
That is, if she is able to make it.

Just now was more more productive.

It's going to be 4 soon,
i should go to sleep.
who knows you'll visit me.

Scared to death to face reality.

2006-12-26T01:42:00.000-08:00

I stayed in today,
waking up at 5pm after persistent shakes and irritating voice going
"Bangon! Kak Ina, bangon. Da petangggg~!"
Ella is excellent at being a pest.
I slept at 7am, give me a break.

ha, btw I just realised tt Johnny Depp is gorgeous.

I spent my time fruitfully after I woke up just now.
I'm pretty satisfied.
But I'm not happy, blame the period.

I'd die to meet my alter ego.
Won't you ?

I'm sick and tired.

2006-12-25T02:01:00.000-08:00

woots~!
okey, pics frm kak Lily's wedding just now.
:]

The wedding was held at Woodlands CC's function hall.
Sadly, it didn't turn out tt blissful.
The makciks all weren't glee and simply disappointed.
It's becos tis cousin of mine did not involve our side at all.
The cousins weren't even kendarats, we were simply guests.
But I can't blame her cos her intentions are well i suppose.
She didn't want to "menyusahkan" family.
Still, the makciks dont get it.

Okey, whatever it's over.
She's blissfully married now,
we're all glad.

:]
And, I had a superb time with the cousins.
Since we were free, we conversed alot.
Nonsensical jokes and endless bitchings.
hahah, boredom okey.

We all parted at night finally.
& headed home.

Everyone's mute on Christmas.

I foresee that I'm stuck at home till Saturday.
How enthralling!
-.-

I still have yet to make my IC.

kay, goodbye.

2006-12-24T01:42:00.000-08:00

Some proclaim that ignorance is bliss,
I'm venturing there.
hahaha -.-

Date with Nadh was awesome, as usual.
:]

I woke up late so I met her straight at Supercuts.
And she sure looks ravishing, as always.
We headed to town for late lunch,
and aimless walk-arounds.

Vivo after that to get stuffs.
teehee, cheeky stuffs.
haha.
Then we walk walk till we felt so shagged, and got Tiramisu cake frm Coffee Bean.
Savoured it while sitting by the calming sea,
and we laughed alot.
Nadh was hilarious today, no idea why.
Gerek :D
hahaha.

And we bumped into dearest AMIRAH!
I miss her so much seyy,
so it was a tremendous feeling meeting her just now.
and we were pretty stumped.
It's stupefying what true friendship does to you.
wheeheehaw~

& I got home by 10 like that,
and now I'm having a slight headache.

Oh, i had a good talk with Fir on Msn just now.
hahaha,
he sounds like a crazy love doctor.
Macam Paham.
haha.

I have one week left to do my work,
and I'm striving to complete it all.
woots woots.
Semangat jer lebih.

Wishful thoughts, get lost.

2006-12-23T00:25:00.000-08:00

My tummy was aching just now,
i vommited once.
& I hate vomitting.
You feel like everything's pouring out,
it's loathsome.

I hogged on the phone with Nadh,
it was pretty amusing.
heh.

And I'm finally going out tmr.
& I want Oreo Cheesecake too.
I hope Nadh will be philantrophic enough to treat me.
hahaha, k ignore me Nadh.
:]

Anyway, I'm only going to shop on 30 Dec.
Next Saturday, seems so long to arrive.
-__-"
Okay yes, I miss spending money thoughtlessly.
hah.

&& I need a couple of things now.
Such as new school shoes.
My present Puma pair has a hole already,
and it's in a depressing state.
ha ha, seriously.

Nadh just rang me up saying,
"Okay, I'm cutting my hair tmr."
I have no idea how much shorter she wants her hair to be,
but I'm excited. haha.
:]

I let you awe me with your sugar-coated words that are diaphanously meaningless.
It's all too ticklish now,
I'm putting it to an end.

Stop pondering already,
I'm done here.
Goodbye, Goodnight.

I am exhausted of living through people when they simply only look through me. Too dolorous.

2006-12-21T21:28:00.000-08:00

Resplendent.

I yearn for nothing now,
zilch.

I guess it wasn't real after all,
I guess it wasn't real all along.

Pretense,
you ~~are~~ were trying to fool me.

We've lost IT, don't deny.
But it's not like you give a shit anyway.

Met up with Nadh just now,
not for long though.

Oh, my brother got into ACSI.
ha ha.

I need to go make my IC soon.

You're in a deplorable state of neglect,
stab yourself.

2006-12-21T04:14:00.000-08:00

It's 4.05am currently,
and the blinding teevee is showing Chelsea's match against Newcastle.
However, my once-ebullient-to-watch-the-match brother is pathetically snoring nearby.
-____-"

& it's just another desolate morning,
where I'm feeling lifeless and everything's monotonous.

I miss feeling exuberated,
foolish but I do.

Contradicting that,
I'm listening to dolorous songs.

Okay, maybe I should just watch this soccer game.
Yes, I'm not a maniac over soccer.
How pathetic, I don't think so.

I lack passion,
for anything and everything.

Now that's pathetic.

GOOD MORNING, LOVELIES.

2006-12-21T02:30:00.000-08:00

I wrote a spontaneous account on some issues just now.
I wanted to start on Lit,
but i was distracted.
ha ha ha.

I'll be facing the consequences of habitual procastination,
real soon.

Shit.

My bro and I were clearing up some stuffs,
and I rediscovered something I had frm Pri 3 or so.
It brought back all the silly childhood memories seyy.
No joke, those times when I was Miss-Ingenuous-Farina.
Amusing, seriously.
heh heh.

& my bro will know which sch he's going to later.
and Friday, i'll be following him to his new sch.
:]

I'm going to meet Nadh later todayy,
and Amirah's coming back soon!
Woots~

Shocking,
Surprises.

I don't feel the need anymore.
I'm convinced, yet again, it's of no importance.
Just simply a total waste of time.

Okay darlings, it's Thursday already.
Have Fun, Enjoy the Day, Let loose.

&i'llbeenjoyingthemisery.

2006-12-19T23:54:00.000-08:00

Do you still think of me?

Cause your presence still lingers here,
and it won't leave me alone.

The never-ending rain is forcing people to sit at home,
complaining of being bored, having nothing to do.
-.-

I've been pondering alot today,
there's so much uncertainties in my head currently.
It's disturbing.

& Izzaty dear made me realise some things I've been shoving aside.
Those things I've been ignoring intentionally.
tsktsk.

BoooBoooBooo~

I've been savouring more and more Cadbury,
additional of Coke too.

I am bored, really bored.

Please convince me I'm wrong,
Please don't make me give up.
Because I do not want to,
not yet at least.

2006-12-19T02:00:00.000-08:00

And that's BELLA,
my sugar-coated honey :]

Met up with her just now.
Her younger sister & her cousin were there too.
& her sister is really dainty plus vain.
Super Adorable, like Bella.
Bella is really one splendid company!
She's a chatterbox and that's totally not a negative trait :]
& She is short but lovely.
I felt like Big Bird beside her (-.-")
ha ha.

Anw, we ambled along the Bugis Village shops.
Just looking around but we didnt get anything.
Headed to Town after tt.
Had a lovely time, in short.
:]

I want more outings with Bella.
woots~

Tmr i will start doing work.
I, ELFA, promise to stop being a fucking lazy ass with a gigantic butt and start doing my work tmr.
-.-

I don't want to rush ahh, so shd start tmr.
Then it'll slowly be completed.
Yes yes, that's perfect plan.
Let's just see if i'll just make it work.
=.=

I really have a plethora of assignments to do,
& I've got two weeks left.
GEREKKKKKK.

Okey, wtfuck.
GO GO SLEEP WELL,
the weather's on your side.
:]

2006-12-17T23:16:00.000-08:00

I really do not need that inept remark.
Keep it to yourself,
kbest.

Amirah's at her family chalet,
until THURSDAY.
tt's 4 more days without her ]:
Boo Boo Boo~

& I can't msg freely anymore,
don't ask me why.

Today's filled with Chocolates,
& food food food.
-.-

I am clueless as to what happened to my bestfriend,
he's been silent.
):
okay yes, i miss talking to him.
Besties ?
I'm dubious of it now ]:

Ignorance.

I want to eat more more more Cadbury!

2006-12-17T03:29:00.000-08:00

Look, Bella's another sugar-coated honey :]
She went to Sentosa & still didn't forget me!
LOL.

Iloveyou, girl.
Thanks again!

2006-12-17T03:20:00.000-08:00

Halo, Blinding wall between us.
Melt away & leave us alone again.

Almond Snickers + 2 bottles of Coca-Cola + Amy Lee's voice = Sleepless Night.

& now we're back as Strangers.
Tell me I'm wrong,
pretty please.

I don't want to feel anymore for you,
but Although I may have lost my way,
All paths lead straight to You.

I feel all alone, yet again.
Solitude, dear, Solitude.

Goodbye, Goodnight.

2006-12-16T21:26:00.000-08:00

I am bored at home,
and no one is online.

How i wish i could pause time,
& replay yday over and over again.
Like amirah said.

But of course, it's only wishful thinking.

Btw, i didnt wish anyth on my bday.
I don't believe in wishes coming true.
Instead, I hope.

My fone's been mute all day long.
It didn't beep even once,
except wen I ws asking sis sth.
I feel .

& My bro's fone been beeping non-stop.
tsk -.-

I miss my darling gfs.
I miss my sister.
I miss my bestie, pretty boy.
Booooo ]:

& I need chocolates now.

2006-12-16T18:05:00.000-08:00

15 DECEMBER 2006 :D

ByTheBay, Esplanade :]

Esplanade Rooftop :]

Town, After craziness :]

:D

2006-12-16T16:47:00.000-08:00

i really have no idea how to start blogging bout yday,
there's so much to talk about!
:D

bottomline, I LOVE ALL SIX OF THEM DARLINGS :]

I'd first thank the six of them for the stupefying day,
how awesome my bday turned out to be.
Though i received more presents last yr,
it wasn't as blissful as this yr.
Last yr, e company was HALF strangers.
This yr, there were my loved ones only.
:]

Thank You Ameera dearest for the superb surprise.
The cake, The water -.- (haha), The coke,
& The ultimate joy :]
You're the best sister I'll ever have and,
ILOVEYOU!

Thank You Fir for making everything more enjoyable.
Your irritating but make-sense crap & everything else
just completes the day.
Oh and thanks for carrying e cake in yr hands all e way.
I'm sure u looked silly, haha.
Thanks once again! :]

Thank You Amirah, Aishah & Nadiah for EVERYTHING.
You three are the best gfs i could ever wish for.
The pure bliss i had yday, Thank You once again.
& The presents :D
I love them a hell lot,
but ILOVEYOU THREE MORE!

Thank You Babystar for being there.
You're the best pretty boy I've known,
& I'll catch you one day for the water!
haha, Thank You again for adding more joy on my bday.
&& Thanks for the Super Cute teddy bear plus the card :]
ILOVEYOU!

:D
I don't think I have to go into every minute of yday's happenings.
Pictures will tell you everything,
above are the pics frm yday :]
All tt I have wit me so far.

Once again, a HUMONGOUS Thank You to you sugar-coated lovelies.
& to those who made my bday filled with Ecstacy.

And yes Amirah, it's all over now.
boooooohoo.

Btw, my monsters are back :]
Yay yay.

okey, go.

2006-12-15T00:44:00.000-08:00

I AM IN A STATE OF EUPHORIA NOW!
:D

AMIRAH DEAREST, thanks for singing to me!!!
Your voice is the bomb~
haha, it's mesmerizing.
And i don't lie on my birthday okey :D
I LOVE YOU IMMENSELY!

AMEERA DARLING, thanks alot for the countless wishes and the phone call.
You're so lovely, gorgeous.
I miss you greatly and finally I'm meeting you.
I LOVE YOU MAGNANIMOUSLY!

AND THANKS ALOT to all you LOVABLE PEOPLE who wished me,
too many for me to thank you all personally here.
but like i've replied each of you,
THANK YOU very much.
I'm astounded by my old pri school friends who still remember.
I love you all the same.

:D

It's astonishing how wishes actually make me grin like a fool in front of my com now.
haha, Thanks again.

And, I'm out for a SUPERB time with my loved ones :]

How bad can today be?

I still miss my brothers okay.
They called to wish me.
I miss them so!

okay okay, THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE.
:D

2006-12-14T23:52:00.000-08:00

You belong to me, my Snow White Queen~

I don't know why,
I'm feeling this way.
I don't even know how I feel.

haha.

Maybe I'm just missing my brothers.

It's fucking quiet in this house,
I hate it.

2006-12-14T18:39:00.000-08:00

I think Angelina Jolie is alluring,
nothing in a bad way.
And her eyes are seductive, don't you agree?
Only she, looks ravishing with her luscious lips.
Unlike some others who look nauseating.

Anyway, Girl, Interrupted is a stupendous movie.
It's my second time watching it and it still moved me all the same.
Marvelous storyline and they got the perfect Lisa.
I'm stumped by the movie,
yet again.

AND it's seriously very different without my brothers.
How startling it may seem,
i miss them already ]:
& mom says they won't be back till Sat if not tmr.
THAT MEANS, I won't be saboh-ed on my bday this yr.
Unlike all the years, it's going to be quiet at midnight later.
booohoo~

I'll not be smeared with all kinds of horrific stuffs later.
Not even pathetic eggs.
And i won't get to try and escape frm those two boys.
I won't get to scream my lungs out for them to stop powdering me all over.
]:
Shit, it's sure different without my two monters.

I sound like a pathetic, sappy sister.
And i don't give a fuck cause i do miss them!
-.-

I predict I'll be staring at this screen all night long again,
patiently enduring routined boredom as usual.
And finally turning 15 in 6 hours time.
As if it's a massive deal,
when I know it's not.

I hope tomorrow would be stupefying,
somehow or another.

And Nadh has to be hm by 7pm tomorrow,
And Amirah has to meet someone for something superbly important at 3pm tomorrow.
Still, I'm sure tomorrow will be filled with ecstacy.
It's the company around you that matters anyway, right?

The weather now's beautiful albeit the rain.

Crap, i am dammit bored.

2006-12-13T21:56:00.000-08:00

AMIRAH IS BACK ONLINEEEEEE!
teeheehee,
as she says.
;D

Yvonne darling was awesome company just now.
Town wit her was EXHILARATING beyond words.
i got tt from a taxi,
you know the ads on taxis.
ha ha -.-

But seriously, i had a superb time.
:]

& we were eye feasting,
woah.

&& "boooooo~" was e word of e day.

Okey i'm numb now.

My brothers wont be coming hm for some days.
Sleepover at cousin's place.
The house is still without kids.

I don't know wt else to say.

Good Enough by Evanescence is THE SONG.
go go find everywhere & be captivated.

:]
btw, ignore e post below.
thank you bye.

2006-12-13T21:02:00.000-08:00

Has no one told you, she's not pretty.

I was enthralled at the sight of you.
You were mesmerizing.
Your eyes were dazzling.
Your smile was melting.
Your voice was mesmerizing.

& her face ticked me off.
okey, she was wit you but she didnt hv to be so cold.

-______________-"

Ignoring tt, I was still intrigued.

& the only reason you are here now is,
a reminder of what i'll never have.
I'll never have,
I'll never have.

I cannot wait for Friday.

2006-12-13T02:41:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY LEE!
Astounding Voice plus Flawless Beauty.
:]

I know she wnt give a shit to my blog,
but it doesnt kill me to wish.
wheeeheehaw~

&& My bday's in two days.
:]

Btw, My internet's failing on me.
Boooooo ]:

But, i cn go blogger.com & some other sites.
Don't ask me why,
the com's just mad like my pretty boy.
Haha okey, kidding.

Wheeheehaw~
i'm meeting Yvonne, tt sweety later.
Town town.
& I'll hv to meet Aishah bt i dnt know where yet.

&& I prognosticate tt i'll be bumping into :]
haha, bt it's just hopeful predictions.
Still, it doesn't hurt right.
okey, ignore me.

Maltesers make me go LALALA~
Chocolates, to sum it up, put me in a state of constant euphoria.
Only empty cans hate chocolates.
:]

Okeyyyyy, im subtlely online now.
ha ha -____-"

OHHHHH!!! Amirah darling is coming back to net life SOOOOON!
:D

lol.
okey bye.

2006-12-12T15:57:00.000-08:00

I'm in a state of perplexity,
and constant oblivion.

I despise feeling dubious of things or people around me.
But i guess tt can't be helped in any way.
Emotions, so to say.

I miss my bestie,
and i wonder what he's doing this moment.
Yesterday night he was busy doing some stuffs,
so I let our conversation surpass.

Omitting that now,
I dont know what to do.
I want to go out,
I'm bored of sitting at home already.
-.-

Ambiguity,
is shitty.

I'm off now.

Let's go back to how we were before.

2006-12-12T01:43:00.000-08:00

I wanted you to be with me,
for so long I dont even know why now.
Now that I've given up on you,
~~defiantly you see me.~~

Just shut up and go away,
you keep coming back.
& it fucking sucks.

AIYAH FORGETTING TT,
i've gt pics frm today.
:]

Aren't both of them so pretty?
& they make my dayyyyyy.
:]

Someone, talk to me.

Goodbye.

2006-12-11T16:09:00.000-08:00

I'm watching ENOUGH on AXN.
I love that movie,
watched it a couple of times before.
Awesome storyline.

Everyone's out of the house,
except for Lyni Nadiah.
And im bringing her out soon,
to have late lunch/early dinner.
I don't like wht my nenek cooked today,
i dont even know wht it's called.

Mum's out wit Ella,
my brothers are out, bowling at Safra.
macam paham gitu -.-
& my nenek's out to i dont know where.

I was supposed to meet Amirah and Nadh today!
Just now in the morning.
But then, something cropped up.
So yeah, tomorrow i guess.

And i need to meet Aishah for those things.

I am so lazy to get up and bathe.
haha, yeah i have not bathe yet.
and it's 4.10pm now.
muahahaha.
But, i smell good okay :]

-____________-"
I'm fucking bored lah okay.
tsk tsk.

& you make me feel like a fool.
Shit.

Okay, Nadiah just said she's hungry.
GOODBYE.

2006-12-11T03:44:00.000-08:00

And, i need to get up at 8.30am later.
Tt is in 4 hrs time.
I slept alrdy,
but then i woke up at 2am.

& I had Supper.
Maggi Maggi :]
ha ha -.-

Eyyyy, 4 more days left.
:]

2006-12-10T17:38:00.000-08:00

I want something memorable.
I want something huggable.
I want something use-able.
I want something adorable.
& of cos something Chocolate-y.

So get me anything of those sorts if u're clueless wt to give me.

But, i do not need anything else besides awesome company.
My darlings & My pretty boy better be there.
:]

Cause I'm drown in you & I won't pull through, without you by my side.
My cousin is singing tt song now.
Beautiful song.

I'll blog again soon.

2006-12-10T01:43:00.000-08:00

:]
i had an awesome day wit dearies plus fadh.
though waiting for nadh to come ws draggyyy,
but it all turned out great.

& there are more pics but im tired alrdy of uploading them.

&& many ppl came up to us wen we were kecoh2-ing and everyth.
and there ws tis "abg2" who gave nadh FREE FRIES lahh sey.
weird gitu kan.
haha, we dnt even know them -.-

went to town after everything,
& it was super cr0wded.
so, we ended up gg to BK at Borders and played silly games.
ha ha ha.
gerek okey!
0.0

But, i didnt get to meet my pretty boy.
Nvm, fridayy ehh.
haha :]

Goodbye, Goodnight.

There's something 'bout the way you stay on my mind.

2006-12-10T01:30:00.000-08:00

9 DEC 2006! :D

2006-12-09T14:33:00.000-08:00

i'm finally back home.
& it's 2.30am now.

i had a good time & talk just now.
my dear Kak Ita is smart, serious.
ha, and i ate ALOT.
-___-"

&& in a few hours' time,
i'll be wit my darling gfs.
:]

my nails are spse to be dark purple,
BUT it's fucking dark tt it turns out alittle like black.
booooo, not nice.
but im too lazy now to remove it, so wtf.

nadh called me up just now,
& im shocked.
everything is happening in a short period of time.
but as i told you nadh,
you're hot, girl. tts whyyyy~
:]

oh i dont know wht to wear for later.
-.-

And Pretty Boy, I like your hair now.
:]

2006-12-07T14:17:00.000-08:00

I do not like Justin Timberlake, don't ask me why.

Yesterday night, my internet was fucked up.
It wouldn't go any website,
and i have no idea why.
So i had to off the com at 2plus.
Way to early, and I couldn't sleep yet.
So i switched on the TV and started watching cartoons.
And laughed my ass off to myself.
-_______-"

I was super bored lahhhh okay.

& luckily now my internet's well.

But i'm rotting at home today,
and i'm waiting for Ella.
She's still not back ]:
I miss her seyyy, and I miss putting on make up for her.
haha.

Tomorrow is Friday already,
and then it'll be Saturday :]

&& it's only 8 more days left.

okay goodbye.

2006-12-06T22:35:00.000-08:00

some pics frm 5 dec,
my abg sdare nikah.
Ohhh, and my cheeks got chubbier I KNOW.
so shut up.

Oh my pretty pretty boy i need you,
Oh my pretty pretty boy i do~
that song is stupidly stuck on my head.
thanks to Aishah.
ha ha -.-

Saturday Saturday :]

And i can't wait for next Friday.
:)

& I want chocolates, chocolates and more chocolates!

haha okay go.

2006-12-06T01:47:00.000-08:00

Cause i can't hold on to anything this good enough.

Am i good enough ;
for you to love me too?

I am bored, I have nothing to do.
So I blog, okay?

Ohh yeah, my abg sdare got married today.
Though i think it's such a pity,
I'm happy for him.
He looks like he loves the girl, really.
And i'm sure she loves him back as much, or maybe more.

It's so blissful.

I'm Christina now and I've got a Sugar Baby :]

hahaha.

Okay anyway, we're celebrating dear Nadiah's birthday this Saturday.
If nothing goes wrong that is.
:)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN, NADH! :D

2006-12-06T00:23:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PRETTY GIRL.
May you be blessed always.
Have fun, my dear :]
I LOVE YOU!

2006-12-04T22:31:00.000-08:00

I am thinking of you,
in my sleepless solitude tonight.

HAPPY 14th BIRTHDAY NATASHA!
:]

Today was well-spent,
& I got new contacts.
Freshkon :]
Warm hazel this time,
so no more purple eyes!
Thanks to Amirah darling, she helped me :]

My abg sedare nikah tmr,
I wonder how it'll turn out.

I've been wondering,
why is it always the same situation?
It's sickening.

I'm out.

Boy, i've got my eyes on you.
So tell me what you wanna do.

Don't leave me hanging :/

2006-12-04T00:16:00.000-08:00

Is jealousy a sign of love?
Answer Me,
i need to know.

&& I'm meeting darlings tmr,
i mean later :]

2006-12-03T17:47:00.000-08:00

My malay assignments are almost done,
believe it or not :]

I've been staying at home since yesterday,
and i'm bored.

Anyway, don't you think tt pic of BOO below is fucking adorable?
Ignore the "I Miss You", most probably it's not for you.
Oh and ELLA is BOO, in real life :]
Super adorable.

I updated my heroes section on Myspace yday night cause i was bored,
and my bestie was not online.
ha ha, but he should be back tonight :]
I hope.

And now my mother wants to check her mail.
I'll be back.

2006-12-03T00:19:00.000-08:00

2006-12-02T02:52:00.000-08:00

I'm so bored right now,
I'm blogging again.

I hate it cause having nothing to do makes me think.
Think about things.
All sorts of things, I don't even want to think about.

And being awake is making me miss people,
after thinking of them.
And all those things I did before,
with those people last time.
Alot have changed in a couple of months,
like Amirah said.

I was not like this before,
I was constantly normal.
(not saying I'm crazy now, well maybe a little -.-)
But it was just easier last time.
I take things as it is, without doubting anything.
Now i think too much, way too much.

I want a distraction,
I want something new.
I want someone new.
I want excitement,
EASIER SAID.

Maybe i need sleeping pills.
-_____-"

2006-12-02T01:28:00.000-08:00

okayyyy, those are pics frm today's outing.
Amirah, Aishah and Nadiah :D
Best best.

The day went fine,
though Nadh was late.
hah.
But it's okay.
Had lunch at Town first, then walked around.
Headed to Bugis next and went to Gashaus.
Got the tix frm Farhan.
The gig was okay i guess, though we didnt stay tt long.
Don't ask why.
And then we went to City Hall,
Esplanade actually after some time and took pics.
Not many people were there okay,
unlike before.
-____-"

And got home at ard 10pm.
Girlfriends are love.
And i miss Ameera!
15th, she booked me alrdy.
haha wth.
:D

Okayy back to boredom.

2006-11-30T20:43:00.000-08:00

Yday went super well,
ecstacy.

Went to Vivo,
saw a number of myspacers.
& tt "bestie" too.
:)

Tmr's friday alrdyyyy!
And it is all four of us tmr :D

Today's a fulfilled day.
Bt there's sth missing.

Oh & i HATE shallow people,
fucking grow up you bitches.

Goodbye now.

PS: you're messing up my mind.

2006-11-29T02:19:00.000-08:00

i told you people,
i dont know why my brother's botak now.
-____-"

heh.

Today was damn tiring,
and i'm going to sleep soon.
We walked EVERYWHERE okay,
and DO NOT ask why.
secret ahh ehh.

Anyways, we went frm Bugis to Tamp Mall and all the way to Town and lastly City Hall.
And after tt, my parents asked me to meet them at Vivo.
Dad got a new fone, yes again -.-
Imagine how tired i am right now,
and i woke up at 9am cause i couldnt sleep well.
~~Too many disturbing thoughts.~~

And this Friday going to gig at Gashaus.
Hope Aishah can make it.
Then, it'll be all four of us.
:)

I need to finish up something first before Friday,
so i'll feel good going out.
Shut up if this doesn't make sense to you.
It's not suppose to, for your info.

Me and Amirah been talking abt the "TRENDS" this yr.
and she'll blog about it soon.
ha ha ha.
I'll give you an example,
Bob hair is now UNIVERSAL hair.
You turn left, right, front, back AND !
EVERYONE HAS THE SAME DAMN HAIRSTYLE.
like WOAH, fascinating.
-____-"
to me, it's silly.
OMG, everyone else have yr hair.
Isn't that so boring?
But i guess it's COOL now, to you.

School's been haunting me,
ha ha it's funny.

And certain people too.
It's disturbing, not funny then.

I'm off.

2006-11-27T16:13:00.000-08:00

26 NOV 2006 !

yeahhh, i went for dinner again with family ydy night.
Ate at BREEKS at TAKA.
Super yummyyyyyyyyyyyyy, serious :D
i ate the food clean okay.
and my dad ordered so much lahh.
mampos kiter makan.
We were so bloated,
and then there was ice-cream some more.
WOAH.

ohhh and yeah, my youngest bro is botak now.
Don't Ask Me Why.

And Amirah couldn't make it today,
so tomorrow hopefully.

Yesterday night,
i slept at 3am but i had a really good sleep.
I just have to say that okay.

Alright, i need to go to the shop now with my mom.

2006-11-26T17:40:00.000-08:00

i didn't go out in the end.
-_________-"

my cousin just said,
"ehh nenek da start behaving mcm baby tau."
and i can't stop laughing now.

There's something missing,
since yesterday.

I don't know what to blog about.

Ohh, my hair's long now seyy.
I think it's the longest i've kept since sec 1.
If not usually, when it reaches this length,
you'll see me with short hair again -.-

But not this time!
wheeheehawww~~

i told you i'm fucking bored.
and hungryyyyyy.

I have a lot of things that i want on my mind right now,
for my birthday.
So if you sweeties can't think of what to buy for me,
ASK ME :D

ha ha ha,
no, im just fucking kidding.
i don't want anything,
okay maybe something.

0.0
goodbye.

2006-11-26T02:06:00.000-08:00

i meet people like you in my fictional world.

2006-11-26T00:41:00.000-08:00

"keep smiling, it makes people think what you're up to (:"
Ohmygod, tt's the lamest line i've ever known.
I didn't know each time you smile,
there's something up your sleeves.
-.-

okay anyway, went dinner at vivo just now.
And then just walked around.
It was fucking crowded, as usual.
Filled with penniless window-shoppers.
Come on, don't deny, no one will shop at Vivo unless you've got big cash.
It's not like Far East or Heeren or Bugis,
to say.
I can't help but to agree, it's just filled with hungry people.
Or plainly just windowshoppers.

My cousin asked me out tomorrow.
Thank her, or i'll be rotting at home again.

My youngest brother is listening to his mp3,
and singing with his whole heart.
Syiok sendiri seyy, serious.
-.-

I miss Amirah, Aishah and Nadiah.
Sorry that I always say this,
but i can't help it.
I just miss them alot okay.
Unless you losers who don't even have true girlfriends,
that you call dearies or darlings.
Go think about that.

I hear Happy Feet's good.
and that the penguins are adorable.
I want to watch it.

Okay, I'm off to reading Cleo now.

2006-11-25T15:09:00.002-08:00

No, the last post was just an inner conflict with myself.
thus, it's gone.

It's Saturday today,
and I'm at home.

My dad says there's dinner at night,
so i didn't bother going out.
Cause you dont usually go home early on Saturdays.

My cheeks are getting fatter,
okay out of point here.

I'm dead bored right now,
aren't you?
Yes you are, that's why you're reading my blog.

I want to go out with my darling girlfriends,
and forget abt everything altogether.
But they all seem out of reach.
That's why I'm waiting for Monday.
And hoping real hard that Amirah can make it.
Oh, and sorry Aishah we can't make it on Monday.
Do your best, darling, like you always do :)

And you don't know, you shd fucking shut up.
Too bad we suck at spotting hidden meanings.
We're not that subtle, so I guess we're sorry.
We usually take what people tell us as it is,
but we're not stupid.
Sometimes, you just need to go straight to the point.
And stop beating around the bush.
It seriously sucks.

And now, im back to talking to a bunch of fakes.

2006-11-24T19:00:00.000-08:00

HANGED OUT WITH YVONNE just now!
She's such a SWEETY :D
Met her pretty early and I was a little late.
As always, but it wasn't my fault!
heh.

okay anw, then we had lunch together.
And basically just walked around,
and talked.
I thought we hit it off pretty good.
I didn't feel awkward with her at all.
Took some pictures before heading home.

I had fun, really.
And yes, more to comeeee.
:D

Tomorrow's Saturday,
and i want to go out again.

Ohh btw, notice my hair colour okay.
-______-"
ha ha ha.

I have to do something now.

2006-11-24T03:44:00.000-08:00

I cannot sleep.
My eyes are still wide awake.

This is shit.

2006-11-24T02:55:00.000-08:00

Come to think of it,
i just realised we've lost touch.

It's sad but it's true.
And now i'm looking forward to school cause i realise that's the only time we will really be together.
Cause all four of us will then somehow be forced to talk to each other.
Holidays kept us away from each other.
Each of us seems to be in our own world,
happy sad angry alone scared disappointed hurt
and neither of the rest would know.

And when we finally communicate,
it's all different.
I just feel it, i don't know how to explain it.
I just do.
I even forgot how to do the handshake,
like that time when I met up with Amirah,
we had to do it thrice before i got it right.

I still love all of you, tt's unmeasurable.
But it's all different now,
don't try to disagree.

But i know,
the next time we meet up it'll all be alright.
And i'll feel pure bliss once again.
Cause that's how it works each and everytime i'm with you three.
I'm sure you know that.

Go sleep now,
and know i'm always here.
And always bored.

2006-11-23T14:35:00.000-08:00

I'm not caring anymore,
I'm shoving ~~you,~~ IT, aside.

My brother got his PSLE results alrdyyyyyy.
And i'm happy for him :D
He's the TOP SCORER in his sch okayy.
he got 257,
low score for highest but fuck it he's the HIGHEST.
woohoo~~!

However, he didnt beat me :)
heh heh.
But it's okayyy, i'm sure he tried his best.
I'm so proud of him, really.

I don't know if i'm heading out today,
but most probably no.
Ohhh and my hair colour's different now.
:)

Here you come again.

2006-11-23T01:13:00.002-08:00

All you have to do is smile that smile
And there go all my defenses
Just leave it up to you and in a little while
You're messin' up my mind and fillin' up my senses

Just when I'm about to make it work without you,
Just when I've begun to get myself together,
You waltz right in the door
Just like you've done before
And wrap my heart 'round your little finger.

Beautiful lyrics,
Beautiful song.

It's shocking how Amirah understands me so well,
in a really good way.
If only her net is fixed.
But sms-ing her is just the same.
I'm really thankful, serious.

Get lost now,
you two-faced asses will never get it.

When will my reflection show who i am inside?

2006-11-22T23:31:00.000-08:00

FUCK YOU WHORE.
CHEAP ASS BITCH,
you're attached aren't you?
i seriously pity your boyfriend,
what an unlucky guy.
but i guess he loves you.
awwww~
shithead.

i told you,
two-faced bitches exist everywhere around you.
be extra careful my friends.

Anyway, my day was goood today.
met up wit dearest Amirah
and we caught Casino Royale at Lido.
Stupid movie to me,
so lembab seyyy.
draggy, seriously.
But we were bored, and Amirah managed to make me fork out $7.
Cause i love her lah :D
And we talked alot as usual,
she understands me so well.
Another reason why i love her.

Ohmygod, i'm not a lesbian.
Don't be so shallow,
open up.

Yvonne, this pretty myspacer, and a great friend indeed,
asked me to hang out tmr.
Dont know where to though.
I want to go but PSLE results are out tomorrow!
and i want to be there for my brother :D
I'm excited, i dont know why.
-.-

I'm still not happy with tt fucking whore,
or budak taik (as what Aishah's been calling her. haha.)
but i'm trying to forget it.
Maybe she'll get too desperate one day,
she'll fuck herself to death.

Omg, Elfa you're so crude.
then Fuck off okay?
Thank you very much.

2006-11-21T23:00:00.000-08:00

I still believe, someday you and me.
We'll find ourselves,
in love again~

Ha ha, silly song by Mariah Carey's stuck on my head.
And she has powerful vocals lah seyy.
Wasted she's almost a slut now,
and her songs are all meaningless now.
-.-

Anyway,

yeahh i found this pic of me and diyana some months ago.
Somehow, i love this pic.
I look good there, maybe tt's why.
-________-"
Fuck no, i'm just kidding okay.
I just like this pic.
And now i miss my dearest cousin, Diyana.

Btw, if i tie my hair now,
i'll look like that again -.-
Just lesser fringe, that fringe was love.
But now mine's thinner.
ohhh mann.

I'd give my all, to have just one more night with you.
I'd risk my life, to feel your body next to mine.
Cause i can't go on, living in the memory of you.

Ohmygod, so sapppyyyyyy~
But the song's beautiful.
Serious, no joke.

My blister's making me suffer.
Stupid shits.
But i'm still meeting Amirah again tomorrow.
We've got stuffs to do :)
wheeheehaww!

-.-
Zuhaili's at MOS now,
dancing his ass off.
tsk tsk, 18 alrdy still go underage clubbing.
ha ha, okay kidding.

I'm so freaking bored,
I should get a boyfriend, right?
Like how those girls say,
You don't have a boyfriend? OMG, HOW DO YOU SURVIVE?
and i'm like,
LIKE HOW MY HEART'S STILL BEATING.
it's no big deal to have a boyfriend lahh.
Unless you really love that guy of course,
then go ahead.
Don't force yourself to go with some uglyfuck tt you hate,
just so your darling girlfriends will think you're cool.
H E L L O ?

Okay, see i'm typing too much again.
Goodbye.

2006-11-21T15:46:00.000-08:00

blogging is just another option.

Okay, actually.
I wanted to start doing the holiday homeworks,
all the assignments.
Yes, don't laugh. I took out my pencil case alrdy,
i took out the malay sets of papers.
(cause i wanted to start with Malay)
And then, i decided to list down EVERYTHING that i had to do first.
as in, all the subjects, one by one.
And you know what?
There's a HELL LOT of homework to do.
A fucking HUGE amount of assgmnts to be completed.
And i freaked out,
and shoved everything away,
AND AND i turned on my cousin's lappy.

And now, i'm on myspace.
and i'm blogging.

Ha ha.
I'm not running away from it,
i'm just keeping it for later :D

Ohh shit, this is so bad.
I feel like school is long gone,
i don't rmb many things taught to me.
Bad bad bad bad bad.

Maybe, hopefully, I'll start tomorrow okay?

I need to go out soon,
meeting Mom.

2006-11-21T03:38:00.002-08:00

hahaha,
so I can't sleep.

Changed the blogskin,
cause i didn't know what else to do.
-.-

I don't really fancy it,
but whatthehell.
I'm not blogging much,
cause i'll end up blabbering.

I'm a little pissed off now,
cause i just found out something.
And some bitch is trying to make me fucking jealous.
Guess what?
It worked a little bit.
I hope you're glad now, you whore.
Yeah, and next time.
Record it on video and upload it and show the whole world.
Let them ALL feel the love.

Shithead.

It's 3.33am now,
according to this laptop.
And i'm still awake,
i wanna read but i'm too lazy.
I wanna talk but everyone's asleep.
I wanna chat but everyone's asleep.
There's still school for some,
so yeah.

I'm all alone now,
oh how sad.
Fuck you.
-____-"

People have been asking me a lot of weird questions.
For instance, my brother just asked me before he went to dreamland.
"Kakak, are you normal? Why aren't you sleeping yet?"
so i said, "Yes, i am. I happened to sleep for 2 hrs plus just now. That's why i can't sleep now. Why aren't YOU asleep?"
and then he smiled and said, " I'm going to, okay goodnight. I love you."
and THAT kept me thinking.
I have no fucking idea why.
Oh my god, tell me I'm pathetic.

Anyways, it was my p3 brother who said that.
It is a shock, you dont know you shut up.

And then, i was led to thinking.
Thinking, wondering, pondering,
but not brooding.
There's alot of things that people ignore.
Okay, maybe that I ignore.
But i won't get into that.

I told you, i'm blabbering now.
Whatthefuck.

Okay now, get lost.

And now, you start bitching.